Are you labeling your kids?

Sometimes having knowledge about someone’s (our kids) personality can be useful.  As in; they are creative, or they are stubborn, or focused, or logical, or some other descriptor.

These descriptive phrases basically point out where a child’s ‘gifts’ may lie.  They are not necessarily bad or good, they just are.

The problem occurs when we begin to judge how someone should be.  When we say that being a certain way is a ‘disorder’.  We label our kids as ‘autistic’, or ADD, or ODD, or ADHD, or whatever the ‘diagnosis of the day’ is.  I just saw a news story today that said the majority of kids with ADHD are boys.  The study also mentions that if these boys are allowed to fidget while in class they learn better.  How is that a ‘disorder’?

My son has a friend that was diagnosed with ODD (oppositional defiant disorder).  I have spent A LOT of time with that kid.  When he’s at our house, he is polite and respectful and not the least bit defiant.  I have seen him with his mom and he’s a different kid with her.  He has no respect for her, blurts demands at her, and she gives him what he wants.  She said to me once “He always gets what he wants”.  I must say, he tried that with us and it didn’t work so he stopped talking to us that way.  When I first called him on the way he was talking to me he was shocked.  He didn’t talk to me very much during his next couple of visits to my home.  Mostly because he didn’t know how.  I kept talking to him normally and now he is totally comfortable talking to me normally as well.  No demands, no disrespect, no defiance, just a mutual respect between us.   His dad treats his mom the same way he treats his mom.  This is not a disorder, it is leading by example and parents training him how to treat them.  His mom ended up putting him on ‘medication’ to ‘treat’ his ODD.  All he needed was a few boundaries and to be told that respect is a two way street.

This is so sad.  How about we parent kids in a way that teaches them how to be respectful and kind, and how to cope with life (you don’t always get what you want, that’s it period ~ life isn’t fair, learn how to deal with it)?  It doesn’t take long to have a calm respectful relationship with a kid if you do what you say you are going to do and treat them how you want to be treated.

Does your kid have tantrums ~ all the time?

Do you?  Kids do what you do, not what you say.  If you fly off the handle why shouldn’t they?   If you handle upsets, or life, in a calm manner, and model coping skills, your kids will learn how to cope.

Most kids that act out do so because there is something they want or need that they are not getting.  They might not be able to sit and be a “Stepford Child” but that doesn’t mean they are ‘broken’ or need medication.  Sometimes it just means that you need to be a parent, figure out what they want or need (which is usually boundaries and undivided attention, NOT giving into tantrums), and modeling that for them.

Is your kid acting out?  Have you tried putting down your cel phone and engaging with them one on one for 20 minutes?  When you get home from work, do you get busy with dinner and ignore your kid while he/she screams and cries and fights with siblings?  If so, I want you to try something.  Try walking in the front door, taking a deep breath, picking up a book or crayons or something and sit with your kid.  Just a few minutes ~ 10, 20, 30… and talk to them.  Ask them about their day if they are old enough.  Just engage with them for a bit.  That’s what they want.

Its energy.  If you have an energy that is all over the place, stressed out, freaking about getting dinner on the table what do you think your child will feel?  Stressed out and freaking.  Give them a cracker if they are grumpy from hunger, then give them some UNDIVIDED attention.  And THEN make dinner.  You will be able to make dinner in relative peace.  Maybe your kid will even be willing to help you, or sit at the kitchen table and chat with you while you cook.  Try it.

How to respect your kids, and teach them to respect you in return

Do what you say you are going to do.

Yes means YES.  Keep your promises.  If you tell your kid(s) you are taking them to the park later then take them to the park later.  Don’t break your promise.  If you are worried about weather tell them “I will take you to the park later if the weather stays nice”.  Turn off your phone.  Don’t get so wrapped up in work, or the drama of your friend online or on the phone that you ‘forget’ all about the park.

No means NO.  Not, “No, until you scream so freaking loud for so freaking long that I can’t stand it anymore and I give you what I told you I would not give you”.  Why the heck would a kid stop acting up to get what they want if MOST of the time acting up gets them what they want?

Teach them consequences.  Do you blame others when you make a mistake, or do you take responsibility for yourself and your own actions?  Do you speed, then blame the police for giving you a ticket?  Do you overspend and then blame the credit card company for the outrageous interest that you agreed to pay when you signed your name?

Take responsibility for your mistakes, and stop rescuing you kids from their mistakes.  There are consequences for your actions.  If you are constantly telling your kids “If you do that again, you are grounded for a week”, and then two days later you let them go out, your word is crap.  They know you don’t do what you say you are going to do.  If they steal or cheat, and then you somehow excuse that behaviour or ignore it, you are teaching them that they don’t need to be responsible for their actions.

I’m not saying that you call the cops on your kids.  If you get to the point that you need to call the police to parent your children for you, you can pretty much be assured that you have missed a part of the parenting process that is listed above.

Psychiatry and Medications are BS

I am NOT a doctor.  This is NOT a medical blog.  The opinions I express are just that “my opinions”.  If you or your child are under a doctors care or on medication, do not stop just because of something I say.  I take no responsibility for your actions. 

Do psychiatric medications have a role to play?  My answer to this is a BIG maybe.  Without supports in place to deal with disorders like schizophrenia, I suppose they do have a place.  In different cultures people with schizophrenia are revered as Shamans and healers with ties to other realms and dimensions.  In our Western Culture, there isn’t a lot of time, knowledge, places to deal with such things.  If medication will help people with schizophrenia live a more comfortable life, then yes, meds may have a role to play.

For 99% of “Behavioural Issues” in kids medication is NOT required.  Some parents would rather have a pill they can give their kid than be a present parent.  If you are a part of the 1% then you may excuse this post, just be sure to take a good look at yourself before you do.

The Zombie Apocalypse

The zombie apocalypse is upon us.  Why?  Because we are medicating instead of understanding, or nurturing gifts, or healing.  A lot of mental health issues are due to situations in our life, NOT just our brain chemistry.  Energetically, we can change our brain chemistry with our thoughts.  With most mental health issues, it is our THOUGHTS that created them in the first place.

If you take a child that likes to move his body rather than sit at a desk for 3 hours and you tell him he is ‘bad’, or ‘broken’ instead of giving him an outlet, he will go through life either medicated, or thinking there is something wrong with him.  If we didn’t have kids that wanted to move their body, that did not have a higher physical energy level than ‘normal’, we wouldn’t have inventors, dancers, athletes landscapers.  Think about it logically.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to be physically active.  We program our kids to think its wrong, and we try and de-program our young adults to get off their butts and exercise ~ IF, they aren’t over medicated and unable to move.

I wrote this post because I often have clients ask about their kids.  Of course, “how are my kids” is a fairly regular question that I get when I do psychic readings.  The messages in this blog post have been given to at least 15 different parents over the past 3 years by Spirit.  This post is for all of you who want to know “How are my kids?”, but can’t or haven’t had a reading from me.

 

 

If you need someone to help you look at your life from a fresh perspective and help you navigate changes in your life, to see if the changes you are considering are supported by Spirit, a psychic reading can help. You can contact me here.

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