Does your spouse ‘owe’ you?

I’ve been noticing another trend lately in relationships and it is keeping a lot of you from being happy with your S.O.

It is the mindset that your spouse owes you something.  Too often in relationships communication is lacking and someone ends up feeling as if their needs aren’t being met.

It doesn’t seem to matter that they have NOT clearly stated what their needs are, or that they go through their days pretending that everything is okay when its not.  This just breeds resentment and a feeling that your spouse owes you ~ because you’ve ‘put up with’ certain things for so long.

This resentment is a relationship killer and often causes one spouse to take on passive aggressive tendencies.  The distance between spouses grows and grows and eventually things fall apart and the relationship ends.

It doesn’t need to be this way.

How to turn things around in your relationship

You owe it to yourself to change your own energy, and in turn allow the relationship to grow and change.  Only then will you know for sure how good your relationship can be (or if its time to go).

The first realization you need to have is that NOTHING is going to change unless YOU change.  You are not entitled to a good relationship ~ you need to be an active participant in making a good relationship.

You need to take 100% responsibility for yourself and what you have created in your relationship. 

This doesn’t mean that if your spouse is abusive you need to stay and take it, but you can take responsibility for yourself and the fact that you have stayed this long.  If you take this responsibility, then you can take responsibility for deciding to leave.

• If you have been holding back when communicating with your spouse, that is on YOU, not on them.  There is no reason to hold things in for so long that you blow up one day; practice communicating every day.
• You need to appreciate what your spouse does, not what is lacking.  So your spouse never empties the dishwasher or folds laundry.  Do they do other things?  Change light bulbs, mow the lawn, work hard to provide money for the family?  Everyone does something positive.  You need to appreciate what they do take care of.  If you are constantly finding fault, your spouse will start to do less because they will begin to feel like nothing they do is good enough.
• Write down a list of things that are amazing about your spouse.  Remember, they don’t owe you anything, for the most part they are there because they want to be there for one reason or another.
• Don’t do things for your spouse that they can do for themselves.  A lot of relationships get out of balance because one person is always trying to take responsibility for someone else’s life.  This can never be sustained long term.  We all need to live our lives, if someone is always doing everything for us, we start to feel disempowered or needy (or worse yet, tied down and stuck).
• When you communicate with your spouse, you need to realize that you are two souls having a human experience.  Your spouse is not there to complete you ~ that is your job.  They are there to share with you.  To grow with you.  Sometimes to challenge you.

We are meant to be in relationships because we want to be.  Not because we are waiting for the ‘payback’ of all our years of putting up with imbalance.

You can change things for the better but you need to do it with LOVE.  Not anger, not resentment, not from a place of feeling entitled.

If you want your relationship to change, you need to change.  Change some of your expectations, change your energy to love, focus on what is good and right in your relationship, appreciate what is working in your relationship and expand on that.

You will never know how good your relationship could be if you don’t focus on love and appreciation ~ every day.

 

If you need someone to help you look at your life from a fresh perspective and help you navigate changes in your life, to see if the changes you are considering are supported by Spirit, a psychic reading can help. You can contact me here.

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