Why does it sometimes take me so long to get back to you?

If you have never tried to contact me before, please do not be put off by that title. It doesn’t always take me a long time to reply to e-mails. Occasionally, I even reply to them within minutes of receiving them, that is, if I happen to be sitting at my computer.

If it takes me a while to get back to you, please do not take it personally. I do everything I can not to get your ‘stuff’ when I get your e-mail so it is very very rare, when I get an email and think – ‘that person has weird/bizarre/negative energy, I better not engage their energy’. As a matter of fact that has happened probably a total of about 3 times in my life. If you take into account that I get hundreds (maybe thousands, I’ve never really counted them all) of e-mails a year, if I haven’t got back to you in a timely manner it likely has more to do with me than it does to do with you.

I am forever talking about us creating our own reality.

Here is the reality I have tried (and mostly succeeded), in creating.

I want to be healthy

I want to stay at a healthy weight for me

I want to be awake (I suffered from fatigue for a lot of years and barely had a life at all)

I want to be there for my family

I want to hang out with my 10 year old son every chance I get before he decides he doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore

I want to watch all my son’s soccer games

I want to have time alone with my husband

I want to be able to ride my horse at least a few times a week

I want to have a job I like, and I want to appreciate my job and my clients

I want to have energy

I want to be able to make my own hours

I want to be able to have a nap in the afternoon if I feel like it

I want to be able to write or do e-mail readings in the middle of the night or at 4 a.m. if that’s what I feel like in that moment

I want to be able to go out for lunch or shopping with a friend once in a while

The list could go on and on and on.

The way I have set things up for myself is simple. If I am too tired to sit at my computer, or to reply to an email or to do a quality reading, I won’t do it. Its pretty easy and straightforward.

Some people may think that this means I do not care about you. That couldn’t be farther from the truth actually, I do care. I have just chosen to care about myself as much as I care about you. That is a hard one for a lot of people to get their mind around. Self care. Wow, aren’t we supposed to put others before ourselves?

Yes and no. I put my son and his needs before my own (only to the extent that me being his mother requires though). If he wants me to help him clean his room or do his laundry (hardly life threatening), and I want to go to the barn and ride my horse – my needs come first. If he wants me to fix his dinner because he just played soccer for four hours and I’m sitting and reading a book, I would likely put his need for dinner before my need to relax. It is all about priorities.

Here I am almost getting off-topic again. I’ve always got so much to say, it is sometimes hard for me to just “get to the point” (something my wonderful husband can certainly relate to I’m sure).

Back to replying to e-mails and such. Two years ago I was in really rough shape. I could not do more than one thing a day, usually in the morning. Which meant, if I did readings in the morning, I could not vacuum the house (as a matter of fact, I usually didn’t even have the energy to fix myself lunch). If I went to the barn to ride, I would do so and come home and sleep. If I had to go out in the evening, I did nothing all day and then had a nap that afternoon just so I had enough energy to leave the house. I weighed 30 pounds more than I do now, I was pale, had black circles under my eyes all the time, was impatient with my family, and felt horrible almost every day. I ended up taking about 8 months off from doing any readings at all.

I took some time for me and got myself healthier. I worked with my naturopath, my doctor, my family, and my guides. I got some rest, I meditated a lot. I actually took some time out for myself.

This leads me to here. For the most part I feel good on any given day. As I wrote above, I have the reality that I have worked for years to create. Sometimes the creation process felt hard, sometimes it felt easy. Most of the time whether it was easy or difficult was just the way I was perceiving it at the time.

The simple reason for me occasionally taking my time to get back to you is that I am caring for myself too. I don’t have an assistant that can get back to you. I have tried auto-responders but that didn’t work for me. More often than not I do not know how I will be feeling, or what I will feel like doing three weeks from now, so I don’t like to book that far in advance.

When I have a day or a few days where I am doing a lot of readings it tires me out. Plain and simple. I used to think that if I was so good at creating my reality and if I was so practiced at energy work I should be able to simply connect to Source Energy and voila, I’d be fine.

Fact is, they tire me out. Sometimes I become a bit of a hermit for a few days (or longer). Don’t talk to anyone on the phone, don’t go out of the house. Just sit and flop and rest. Can’t even get my mind and energy around writing or reading or hanging with my family or riding my horse. I just flop, zone out and regenerate.

I don’t mind doing this sometimes. One of the reasons I came here on this trip to Earth was to do my readings. I want to help people, I like my work. I have just made a concious decision that I cannot do this every week of my life. In the past few months I actually felt like I had “got a life”. Its a really nice feeling, and I would like to keep it. Had I kept doing what I was doing a couple of years ago I would likely either be in a hospital or a loony bin, or just sitting on the couch doing nothing, weighing 600 pounds. The years I have left to share messages would be gone. At the rate things are going now, I will likely be writing and sharing and educating for many years to come. I like that reality a lot better than martyrdom and thinking that I always have to put others first, even to the detriment of myself.