What are you willing to bring into a relationship?

I talk to a lot of you that say you want a relationship.  Many of you have been hurt in the past and you have baggage that you have not yet released.

You say you want someone to make you happy.  You want someone who is trustworthy, who can make you laugh, who can ‘complete’ you.

Only happy people can share happiness.  Are you happy?  Can you bring happiness into a relationship?  Without conditions?  Just plain happiness and a sense of being okay with yourself?

If not, then what makes you think someone else can do that for you?  Would you want to get into a relationship with someone who didn’t like themselves just how they are?  Would you want to get into a relationship where the other person was a ‘project’ for you?  Someone that was so insecure in themselves that they needed constant reassurance that they were okay?  Someone who had so much baggage that they couldn’t trust you no matter what you did?  That were afraid to live their own life because they thought they needed to be someone or something else in order to attract the right partner?  Someone that once they got more comfortable turned back into themselves because they were being someone else to attract you?

Think about those things long and hard before you say you want a relationship.  What are YOU bringing to the table in a partnership?  You need to bring yourself.  Not a pretender, not an insecure hurt person, YOU.  The real you.

So many of you think that you want a partner so badly.  That ‘if only I had a partner I would be okay ~  I am not okay on my own’.  Thing is, you would not make a good “partner”, you would simply make a good “dependent”.  All of your thoughts, feelings and self-esteem would be “dependent” on what the other person said or did or how they acted.  That is too big of a job for anyone to take on.  You need to be good with you and who you are ~ alone or in a partnership.

Anyone can find someone to spend time with.  If you are lonely you can date, or have sex or whatever you want.  Just don’t expect anyone to complete you EVER.  No one can, its an impossible thing to do and it is not fair to them, nor is it fair to you.  No one can “make you feel”.  Feeling is something that comes from INSIDE and is something you need to do for yourself.  There are lonely people who are surrounded by others and there are happy people who are alone.  IT COMES FROM A FEELING INSIDE.

Some of you say, I don’t want to date and waste my time on the wrong person.  What are you doing by sitting there waiting for the ‘perfect’ person to come along and fix your life for you?  Now THAT is a waste of time.  All those days where you could be out doing something with someone, laughing, having fun, and you choose to stay home and not ‘waste your time’.

If you want a relationship, start by being okay with who you are.  Don’t judge yourself by how other people see you.  Start being okay with how YOU see YOU.  There is the perfect person for you out there.

Relationships can absolutely help you grow.  But if you have stunted your own growth with your thoughts and feelings, no one can change you.  That is your job.  Thing is, there’s probably not a lot you need to do to change.  Except for maybe doing some energy work to let go of your old crap, and learning how to be yourself, how to appreciate yourself for who you are.  Once you do that then the perfect person can see the real, complete, happy you!

So, if you find yourself saying “I want a relationship”, ask yourself, are you ready for one?

 

 

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